Was my coming out really that bad?

On our Instagram page, we asked to share coming out stories. As I was collecting some other sources to use, I decided to change the whole article. I had to ask myself the question: Was my coming out really that bad? Compared to another story, mine was somewhat quick and not what I had in mind. Let’s share the story of Isobel Jack.

Because it’s not polite to share your own experiences first, let’s take a moment to talk about Isobel and her coming out. Without an introduction, it’s not really complete.

 
 
 
 
 
Dit bericht bekijken op Instagram
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Een bericht gedeeld door Isobel Jack (@izzyjart) op

Isobel makes beautiful art, as you can see on her Instagram. She uses the name izzyjart on Instagram. She seems inspired by beauty. Beauty in nature, beauty in people and beauty in landscapes.

This 34 years old artist had her coming out when she was 28. Some would say that this is not the most common age to have to go through all of this. Let’s cut this off by saying there is not an age limit when it concerns coming out. In her case, things we somewhat different. Different than other gay women.

Isobel had a very rough time because of her depression. By the age of 28, she hit rock bottom and was in therapy for this depression. She even thought about suicide.

“I was a high suicide risk and I had hit a wall in my recovery. The problem was that despite having the day to day part of my life back on track, I had no future plans. I couldn’t see beyond next week or next month.”

Yes, I know what you’re thinking: “Who has?” Who has the capability to see beyond and move forward into the right direction? Isabel was different. It’s always difficult to find the right words when it comes to transitioning, especially when you weren’t born the way Isobel was. Being 28 she realized that Mother Nature goofed up at some point and decided to label her with the wrong gender. Yes, Mother Nature does these things and it can lead to strong feelings. Feelings that Isobel experienced.

Her therapist came up with something. At the end of one of her sessions, the therapist said that she would have to think about something that would truly make her happy. She should think one step further and treat her wishes as she was Aladdin talking to the genie in the lamp.

It was like she hit a brick wall. There would only be one wish she would see granted: to become what she really was. The woman she had to be.

“So, I went to a good friend of mine – who is gay – to basically come out to him first. I knew he would listen and I needed to say it out loud and work through the questions I was expecting.”

Luckily her friend took it very well. He figured out it made sense. His gaydar worked to some point, but he couldn’t find out why Isobel wasn’t really interested in gay men.

Yes, people, even transwomen can be attracted to other women. This is nothing new, it’s not a hype and most certainly not a trend. It just happens.

With this realization, she made her way back to her therapist a month later. She laid out her cards on the table. Her therapist gave her the same response as her friend did: a positive vibe. Also, she heard that now the puzzle was complete. More and more people she told about all of this, gave her the same response. This helped her a lot during that period. It was like they realized something was off, but couldn’t quite place things into perspective. It was Isobel who gave everyone the missing piece of the puzzle.

What stood out was the positivity she was greeted with. So many people saw she was really unhappy and were concerned about her well-being.

Even the relationship with her family is good. Six years later she describes herself as the “happiest version of myself.” With the support of family and friends.

Girlfriend

There is only one thing that isn’t right at this moment. The fact that she misses a girlfriend. Let’s hope she finds her soulmate, who believes in her, loves her and lets her heart skip that familiar beat.

 
 
 
 
 
Dit bericht bekijken op Instagram
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Een bericht gedeeld door Isobel Jack (@izzyjart) op

Coming out is sometimes very difficult. Some believe that there is something wrong. No matter how many people will say that there is nothing wrong. You are who you are or you need to just get there. This is sometimes easier said than done. It takes courage sometimes to take that big step forward. There’s always the thought that some wouldn’t react the way you want them to. Yes, this can happen. We all heard about the stories of those who came out and lost contact with family and friends. There are also beautiful stories such as the one Isobel shared with us. A story about courage (or perhaps it’s about the need).

My story

After sharing this wonderful episode, it takes me back to what I wanted to share. It’s nothing compared to the story of Isobel, I guess. My story was much more simple. I liked boys, I liked girls. I was raised with the idea that one day I might start a family of my own. With a man. I grew up in a common family, with an older sister. She played an important role when it came to my coming out.

Let’s just say, my coming out wasn’t really that fancy. I didn’t bake a cake. I didn’t leave a note. My coming out is somewhat embarrassing.

It could have been any day of the week. But it was Wednesday. I thought I was home alone. So after doing my homework, I was kind of frisky and decided to use my laptop to cool down. I opened up a streaming website and as the girls in the movie got busy, so did I. Suddenly, a familiar voice asked me what the hell I was doing. I had my trousers down and my hand was … you get the idea.

My sister was at home. All that time, she was inside her room. It wouldn’t be a problem if I closed the door to my room. I didn’t, because there was always the possibility that my mother would walk in without knocking once she got home. Instead of my mother, it was my sister.

As I was covering myself with everything I could think of, my sister walked over to me and saw what I was watching. She closed the laptop and sad down on my bed. I couldn’t face her. She started talking and asked me if I was gay. Finally, I told her I was attracted to boys and girls. I cried and cried and I think I never felt more embarrassed in my entire life. My sister took it well. She told me that she wouldn’t go as far by telling my parents about all of this. I should take my time.

Months past and even when we argued she didn’t play the ‘bi-card.’ She could have done it, many times. Instead, she kept on repeating – when we weren’t arguing – that it was all up to me. Finally, I wanted to tell my parents about it. My sister was there to support me. It didn’t go as I wanted to. As soon as I started talking, I couldn’t help myself and I cried. By now, my parents were kind of worried. My father even asked if I was sick or even pregnant. This last bit made my sister laugh. She asked me: “Do you want me to tell them?”

Maybe it’s not the bravest thing I did. My sister used just the right words and my parents reacted in the sweetest and kind way you could imagine. I guess they were relieved that I didn’t get knocked up.

Your story

So, are you ready to share the story of your coming out?

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